Frequently Asked Questions
We don't get along well - how can we possibly mediate?
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Mediation is not just for couples who already know how to cooperate. We are trained to show people how to work together productively in spite of their anger. We guide you through a problem solving process that encourages you to attack the problems, not each other, in a structured step by step method. Our co-mediation team facilitates the communication by making sure each of you is given uninterrupted time to speak, asking you to restate or explain a point when necessary, and asking questions to make communication clear.
Although many mediating couples are amicable and work well in mediation, there are also many couples who are very emotional about the divorce and don’t think they can negotiate face to face. People do calm down and become effective mediation participants when they see that the process can work without adding to the high emotional and financial cost of divorce. |
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will a settlement agreement be imposed on me?
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Mediation is for couples who want to retain control over the decisions that affect their lives and don’t want their children caught in the middle. We are not advocates for either party, but we may make suggestions and do facilitate discussions. We point out the pros and cons of various possible decisions but will not make the decisions for you.
Ask yourselves: Why would you want to take the risk of putting your life in the hands of a judge who may not take the time to understand your specific needs and interests? In mediation, you make all the final decisions together based upon your home-life situation. During mediation other professional services are sometimes needed. We maintain a network of consultants including accountants, lawyers, financial planners, psychotherapists and child psychologists. |
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will i need an attorney?
Although we provide legal information, as mediators we cannot give either party legal advice. Both of you may obtain independent legal advice during the mediation process, and you are encouraged to have separate lawyers to review your agreement before it is signed.
How long does it take?
Sessions are usually scheduled one-two weeks apart. The average length of time it takes to reach an agreement is 4-6 meetings of 2-3 hours each. The number of sessions depends upon the things affecting you, such as the division of assets, debt allocation, support and co-parenting issues, as well as how you prepare for the sessions. Unlike the court process, repeated postponements based upon the court's congested calendar will not be imposed on you. You will decide on the pace of your mediation. In comparison, if you litigate your divorce case in court, it generally takes between at least one to two years.
Do we owe it to our children?
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Everyone knows that divorce is a traumatic experience and of course, your divorce is going to be difficult for your children. However, going to war over your divorce will not make it easier for them. It will only make it more difficult. When all of what you are now going through is over, it is essential that the two of you are able to deal effectively together, at least where your children are concerned. Your marriage may be over, but your relationship with your children as their parents is not. Many studies on the effect of divorce on children have come to the same conclusion: It is not the fact of your divorce that may do permanent damage to your children. It is how you go about it.
Ask yourselves: Did the two of you sit down together to work out the details of your divorce? Or did you go to war over it, to get as much as you could and to give as little as you have to? Yes, you owe it to your children not to go to war. |
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What happens if we cannot come to an agreement on all the issues?
Mediation discussions are confidential - that means, that all of the discussions, including settlement offers may not be disclosed to anyone who is not a participant in the mediation, unless written permission is obtained from all parties (such as, for your reviewing attorney). If the process is not successful and you end up going to court, a mediator may not be called as a witness, not may the agreements or documents be subpoenaed. There are very few exceptions to this, such as if there had been evidence of domestic violence or child abuse.
Certain issues that have been agreed upon may be drafted as a Stipulation that we can file with the court in your case.
Certain issues that have been agreed upon may be drafted as a Stipulation that we can file with the court in your case.